MADCHESTER, UK – Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher has offered a £20,000 reward for the safe return of his beloved missing dog, German Shorthaired Pointer, Patsy.

The pooch vanished into thin air during what was supposed to be a leisurely stroll in Heaton Park, Manchester, leaving Gallagher with a furrowed brow, skulking around in a fit of rock ‘n’ roll angst.

Patsy is an old dog

The drama unfolded during a routine stroll in Heaton Park, Manchester. Where Liam, who as a solo artist struggled to match his earlier success with Oasis, took Patsy out for a leisurely walk.

Witnesses claim that 10-year-old Patsy – an old dog, by canine standard. Began fervently sniffing the arseholes of other young pooches in the park. Setting tongues, as well as tails wagging as the canine chaos ensued.

The drama reached its crescendo when Patsy pursued several dogs out of Heaton Park. Leaving her famous owner, strutting around in the dust like a demented glue-sniffer searching for a tube of Bostik.

Liam, never one to shy away from confrontation, has now taken matters into his own hands. In a desperate bid to get his old dog back, he has offered a whopping £20,000 reward for her safe return. Declaring war on anyone who stands in the way of their rock and roll reunion.

Sherlock Bones

As the hunt for Patsy intensifies, with Liam patrolling the streets of Manchester like a washed-up rockstar turned dog detective. Fans are left to wonder if this tale of a missing pooch will inspire a comeback chart-topping hit, ideally, a bit better than ‘Headshrinker’.

Liam Gallagher missing dog Oasis

A dog-inspired Oasis B-side that was penned with the help of a rhyming dictionary… 

Lost in a fog

I’ve been treated like a dog

And I’m out of here

I got no name

And I feel no shame

I got no fear

And I bow down

To the tears of a clown

Whatever’s going down

Is coming around