STUTTON, SUFFOLK – Reverend Rosemary Sprockett, the fearless female vicar of the Church of St Peter in the village of Stutton, finds herself facing a uniquely unholy dilemma.
By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent
Nestled on the ironically named Slutshole Lane. Her residence has unwittingly become a pilgrimage site for a peculiar flock of men with questionable intentions.
Sprockett’s doorstep
The idyllic charm of Stutton is now overshadowed by the steady stream of individuals. Who, with a twisted sense of piety, flock to Reverend Sprockett’s doorstep. It seems the unfortunate name of her abode has attracted a parade of less-than-devout pilgrims seeking a different kind of spiritual enlightenment.
Reverend Sprockett, undeterred by the unsavory attention. Has taken to greeting her unexpected visitors with a well-worn Bible and a pointed stare that could rival even the sternest of sermons.
“I’m here to save souls, not entertain dubious desires,” she declared in a recent sermon to parishioners. Her patience wearing as thin as the tresses on the heads of most of her aging congregation.
Theological thoroughfare
Ecclesiastical authorities, grappling with the problem. Have considered lobbying the council to change the street’s name to something more befitting a house of worship. Suggestions like “Sermon Street” and “Worship Way” are being considered. Although “Pious Passage” has been rejected on the grounds that it could make the situation even worse.
As the sacrilegious sex saga continues, Reverend Sprockett remains undaunted in her mission to bring salvation to her parish. Even if she must navigate a parade of misguided devotees along the way.
The silver lining, she notes wryly, is that her resilience in the face of adversity has turned Slutshole Lane into an unwitting metaphor for the trials and tribulations of virtuous living in the modern world.
