King of England, King Charles – who is most famous for flogging Organic Duchy Originals biscuits to posh people to have with their daily cup of Tetley – is moving away from health food and into fast food.

And in a barbed broadside at his backstabbing spare son, Prince Harry of Los Angeles, contained within an advertisement displayed at his Windsor fast food restaurant, the elderly monarch beseeches working people, not to work for his mutinous ginger turncoat son, but to work for him instead.

‘Work for a King, not a clown!’ reads the stinging castigation of his treasonous ‘number two’ offspring.

Supersize Fanta

Speaking at the grand opening of the flagship ‘King Burger’ restaurant, situated just outside the walls of Windsor Castle, the ‘Burger King’ himself said “Er, it was dearest mama’s last earthly wish that I open this fast food restaurant to feed the poor, hungry people of Windsor.

The late queen loved nothing more, after returning home from a hard day at the races, than to tuck into a fat, greasy quarter pounder with cheese, large fries, and a supersize Fanta. So today, Camilla and I, hereby pronounce this drive-through… open for business! God save the King… burger.”

Dainty dishes to set before a king

Items on the King Burger menu include: the Coronation Chicken Burger Deluxe, the Constitutional Monarchy Meal for two, Camilla Parker Bowles of Salad, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, Kate Middleton’s Big Royal Family Bucket, Imperial Chicken Wings, and Six Gold Nuggets with Sweet Chilli or BBQ dip.

King’s Fast Food

Eat-in customers will be treated to the finest bone china plates, solid silver cutlery, and cut glass tumblers for their milkshakes. While, for those who wish to eat on the go, the drive-through is wide enough to accommodate a gold state coach and eight horses.

Portcullis left open

A royal insider told this reporter that King Charles was leaving the door open for Prince Harry to come and work in the kitchen of King Burger when everything goes to shit in America.