Bosses at Aldi are in a flap as their new range of branded sportswear has flopped in its shops.

By placing itself as the affordable supermarket of poor people, Aldi-branded groceries continue to fly out of the shops as the never-ending, ever-upward-spiralling cost-of-living crisis continues to bite. But when it comes to fashionable sportswear, they haven’t got a f*cking clue!

Bundesflagging sales

No discerning Brit abroad, regardless of how chavvy, lolloping, or lacking in self-respect they might be, would ever consider wearing the tacky Aldi-coloured plastic crap that the popular German Bundeshop has released in preparation for the scorching-hot summer that Greenpeace has promised us. The poorly-produced, waterproof (possibly) footwear, which feature the aggressive colours of the German flag, also appear (albeit completely coincidentally – probably) to be inspired by fellow German sports footwear manufacturer Adidas.

Dassler way to do it

For those readers who don’t already know, Adidas was founded in 1949 by Nazi cobbler and entrepreneur, Adolf Dassler, younger brother of Heir Rudolf Dassler, founder of Puma (also purveyors of Sportschuhfabrik.) Emblazoned with their iconic three diagonal stripes, the Dassler brothers’ shoes were an instant smash and were even endorsed by Jesse Owens who wore them as he set his long jump record at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. The shoes also graced the feet of thousands of sports club members of the Hitler Youth. Ahem.

Aldi Flip Flops

In a weird replication of the German-Nazi-brother-entrepreneurs-invading-England model, Aldi too was founded and run by two German brothers, Karl and Theo Albrecht, when they took over their mother’s store in Essen in 1946. Younger bruder, Theo fought under Rommel in the Afrika Korps, while bigger bruder, Karl fought with the Third Reich on the Russian front.

Don’t mention the war

Despite the Albrechts both being long dead, their shops are undeniably extremely cheap and successful, and for that, the people of Great Britain will always be grateful.

Quite why Adidas shoes are still worn by so many of us is anyone’s guess?