In the midst of the never-ending, ever-upward-spiralling cost-of-living crisis, Morrisons supermarket is introducing a new deal to help hard-pressed Brits save money on their weekly shop.

It’s called ‘1p off at Morrisons’. Hmmmm.

Regular Morrisons customer, Brenda St John (50), an alcoholic ex-tea towel folder from Burstall, Suffolk contacted the SUFFOLK GAZETTE with a photograph of the discount she received on a bottle of Bacardi, bought on her weekly Monday booze run last week.

She told us, “(Hic!) What? I got in contact with you? When? Oh, OK. What about? Oh yes. The Bacardi. Yes, well, I am a (hic!) I am a retired tea towel engineer. I worked at (hic!) Stewart Morris tea towels in Hadleigh for about thirty (hic!) years and it was f*cking stressful I can tell you. Folding a thousand tea towels into perfect squares or rectangles or whatever they are is not (hic!) easy. Three or four millimeters out and Morris would be all over your arse. That’s when I started (hic!) drinking. But the 1p off deal, f*cking ace. I love (hic!) Morrisons!”

A woman’s work is never done

As part of the extensive research undertaken for this article, one of the female staff at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE went undercover at the Sproughton Road branch of Morrisons in Ipswich. Our anonymous reporter, Sharon Briggs, purchased exactly 25 items to see how much she saved from the 1p off offer. Back at the office, after emptying the contents of her shopping bag over my desk, Sharon Briggs crunched the numbers. The total saving on a bag of shopping costing £27.50 worked out to be… wait for it… 9p.

Inside story of Morrisons deal

We contacted Morrisons for comment but the only person available was a cleaner called Bert who happened to pick up the phone as he was dusting. Bert told us “Free-market economists insist that social cooperation is a win-win scenario.

The classical economists argued that the mercantilists were wrong when they viewed their own prosperity as a threat to others, and vice versa. The principle of comparative advantage and Bastiat’s eloquent description of Economic Harmonies show that the presence of a ‘winner’ in an economic transaction does not necessarily imply that there must be a corresponding ‘loser’.

Furthermore, when a business charges a single price to its customers, then (disregarding nonpecuniary motivations) the business needs to set a price that maximizes monetary profits. And let’s not forget, the positive-sum outcomes ubiquitous in market transactions remind us that the businesses’ gain needn’t come at the expense of the wider community. Hence the 1p off. Anyway, I have to go now as there is a hell of a lot of ear wax on this receiver. Bye.”

Do you agree with Bert? Email us at iagreewithbert@suffolkgazette.1poff.com.co.uk